Arthur

[Well, the first clue that Arthur's affected is his beard. Also, he's not wearing a suit. GASP!!!]

This is a really boring flood so far. I was hoping for one that made people sing and dance and fall in love or something. It would've been hilarious. Instead, we've just got-- fuck, I don't even know. Looks like the same old boring Barge to me.

Anyway. The Death Toll's mostly passed, so if you need me, I'm gonna be in the pub. Come on up for a drink. If you ask nicely, I'll even mix you one.

[Private to the Admiral + Perry OUT OF SPITE]
Hey, Admiral. Take away Perry's furniture. All of it. And his Rose Bowl ring, too.

[Private to Perry]
Enjoy the new room, bitch.

[OOC: Feel free to spam Arthur in the pub! He'll be there all flood, when he's not sleeping or screwing around. Responses will come from lolparadox

As for his AU: this Arthur never got his act together, never went to college, and never joined the army. He knows nothing about dream sharing and is basically a low-life who sleazes and cons and mooches his way through life. He's on the Barge as a warden to, IDK, make money or something. Oh, and Perry kills him every once in a while because this Arthur's not as good a fighter as his normal self.]

[Arthur points the camera at the mistletoe above his door.]

I probably don't have to warn any of you about this, but just in case: be careful around the mistletoe. It does exactly what you might expect it to do.

[He turns the camera to himself and gives a wry look.] So, if you need me, be sure to back away from the door after knocking.

[Private to Perry]
Sorry I've been scarce. [Is he going to explain why he's been scarce? NOPE.] We should talk about that last port. You free?

You know, I can't help but agree with the quote "Four legs good, two legs better" right now. I'm glad to be back to normal; this place smelled way too... [What's a nice way of putting this?] robust to my senses.

But for the record, I still don't see what's wrong with being a dog. Dobermans are intelligent and hard-working. [LIKE ARTHUR, SO THERE.]

[Private to Prefect + Perry]
There are some papers missing from my room. [Which would either contain false identities or research on fellow Bargemates. Either way, it's kind of suspicious stuff and he wants it back.] I'd like them back, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone about them.

[Warden Filter + Perry]
My inmate, Perry Dawsey, is officially cut off from alcohol. Please don't take him to the bar or give him anything, not even one beer. If he does manage to get in there, I'd expect the bartenders not to serve him unless he's with me.

And if you have an inmate who's friends with him? [Which Arthur kind of doubts. PERRY HAS NO FRIENDS.] Try to keep on top of their interactions, and I'll do the same from my end.

[Private to the Admiral]
Remove all the alcohol from Perry's room.

[Private to Perry]
From now on, the only drinking you're doing is with me.

Looks I've been pretty scarce or the past few months. [He'd apologize for that, but he's Arthur, so he won't.]

For those of you who're new to the ship, [Or not so new, because Arthur's been an absentee tool.] I'm Arthur, one of the librarians here. Perry Dawsey's my inmate. Not that I'm anticipating anything, [BULL. He's always anticipating something. But it's wishful thinking here.] but if you have any problems with him, you can come to me, and I'll do what I can to take care of it.

[Warden Filter + Perry]
I've got a question for those of you with a deal. [Which is probably pretty much everyone. He doesn't know of many wardens who are here strictly out of the goodness of their hearts.] How many of you have asked the Admiral-- or tried to-- for more than one thing? Like say you wanted to save a life and get a million bucks out of this place.

[He'd ask the Admiral directly but sob he thinks y'all are more reliable.]

[Private to Ariadne + Perry]
I think you could use some target practice after what went down in the art room. [And by that he means: LET'S USE THE PASIV. He just won't... come right out and say it. Because Perry.]

Meet me at my place after dinner?

[Private to Perry]
I'm heading to the CES to do some jogging. Wanna tag along?

[OOC: Note about the +Perry filters! This just means that Perry can see whatever Arthur's posting; he can't read your responses unless you decide to include him on the filter, too.]

[Private to Ariadne]

Where are you?

[OOC: Short and to the point :V]

( Private/Filtered Messages for the Admiral, Kitchen, Maintenance! )

[PUBLIC]
Is the book club still going? I'm not really interested in spending time with a lot of you, and I'll probably think your selections are derivative and insipid, and I usually only hung out in the library to research people and talk to Coyolxuahqui (and her breasts), but I'm bored now that my inmate's broken my ribs. So I need something to fill in the void left by sparring until this heals. Right now, my most strenuous activity is jerking off, which I've already done twice today, though I'd prefer a partner. Luckily, I'm attractive, and many of you are attractive, so I'm confident somebody will lend me a hand.

[OOC: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry /Tennantvoice]

Minimal death and destruction, no known curses carried back to the Barge, and I didn't get baked into any witches' pies or swallowed by wolves. [Or whatever it is that happens to sassy woodlands critters n fairy tales.] All in all, I'd say that was a good port. [Pause, then he makes a noncommittal "hm."] Despite being turned into a very articulate chipmunk.

[Private to Perry]
The silent treatment's gone on long enough. We're having a talk.

Is it too late to get the Admiral enrolled in a driver's ed class? There, I did my requisite bitching for the day. I really feel like a part of the community now.

[Pause.]

Who's up for sparring?

[Filtered to ~ARTHUR'S BBs~ (aka his graduates)]
And how are we doing today, kids? You know I love to check up on you.

[Private to Perry]
Stop playing house with my twin and come to my cabin. We've got a therapy session tonight.

[What is Arthur doing-- oh god, he looks TOTALLY RELAXED AND CHILL.  He's actually grinning.  Granted, he's not a linefacing robot even without Adam's influence, but let's face it: regular Arthur rarely, if ever, posts to the network for open social calls.  The network is for business-- or, at least, it was.  As far as anyone knows, however, Arthur's always been like this.  He let loose pretty much immediately after coming to the Barge, much like a kid hitting college for the first time.]
 
I've got a proposal.  Something that doesn't have to do with the flood. [He holds up his hands, as though he's placating an invisible audience.] Yeah, I know the other wardens are too busy making reports about this, that and the other [Smirk, airquotes, HE'S TURNING INTO EDDIE BROCK, SOB.] "crisis" that came up over the last few days, but I don't see the big deal.  Only one person died, which I think is something of a Barge record.  We should be celebrating, not adding more reports to the pile.  It's not like anyone was responsible for what happened during the flood, so what's the point of tracking it?
 
It's like everyone wants to keep morale down.  Look, trust me when I say: you dwell too much on the bad, bury your head in work? You're never gonna get anywhere.  You'll just be miserable, which doesn't do your inmate any good, and it doesn't do you any good.
 
So, allow me to take some proactive measures for the good of the Barge.  Pool party, tonight.  After dinner.  I'll supply the alcohol [Cough.] with 'donations' from the bar...   And you just bring yourselves.  And music.  Unless you enjoy listening to French pop.  [Laughing.]  Not a word, Mal; I know you do.
 
And hey, inmates. [He grins and holds up his warden item-- it's a smartphone.  REAL ARTHUR WILL BE SO PISSED THAT HE OUTED HIS ITEM.] Consider this your free pass into the party.  So, come on, forget about the day-to-day "Barge trauma" and stop by the pool tonight.
 
Especially you, Perry.  [Loftily, complete with an imperious wave of his hand:] As your warden, I command it.
 
[OOC: THIS ARTHUR DOESN'T PAY ATTENTION TO THINGS LOL, so he only knows about Cissie's death, not Loki's or anybody else.  Others are free to look down on him as a lazy warden, since he likely doesn't participate in anything wardenly, fails to keep a lot of warden stuff behind filters, and just focuses on being pals with his inmates.
 
And er, IDK if people really want a ~pool party log~ but if they do, I'll start one after work.  IF NOT, I'll put up an OOC post to work out deets.]

[Warden Filter]

Dawsey's in Zero. I would draft up a report concerning the incident, but it looks like Crane has that covered.

If you have any questions, direct them to me in private.

[EDITED AFTER SEEING LOKI'S DOUCHERY:]
My inmate's off-limits to visitors. I'm going to be camping in Zero, so don't even think about trying.

[Private to the Admiral]
Cut all of Dawsey's filters.

[OOC: SORRY FOR THE TERSE POST. Arthur's gearing up for a massive shoutfest with Perry.]