Arthur

[Well, the first clue that Arthur's affected is his beard. Also, he's not wearing a suit. GASP!!!]

This is a really boring flood so far. I was hoping for one that made people sing and dance and fall in love or something. It would've been hilarious. Instead, we've just got-- fuck, I don't even know. Looks like the same old boring Barge to me.

Anyway. The Death Toll's mostly passed, so if you need me, I'm gonna be in the pub. Come on up for a drink. If you ask nicely, I'll even mix you one.

[Private to the Admiral + Perry OUT OF SPITE]
Hey, Admiral. Take away Perry's furniture. All of it. And his Rose Bowl ring, too.

[Private to Perry]
Enjoy the new room, bitch.

[OOC: Feel free to spam Arthur in the pub! He'll be there all flood, when he's not sleeping or screwing around. Responses will come from lolparadox

As for his AU: this Arthur never got his act together, never went to college, and never joined the army. He knows nothing about dream sharing and is basically a low-life who sleazes and cons and mooches his way through life. He's on the Barge as a warden to, IDK, make money or something. Oh, and Perry kills him every once in a while because this Arthur's not as good a fighter as his normal self.]

You know, I can't help but agree with the quote "Four legs good, two legs better" right now. I'm glad to be back to normal; this place smelled way too... [What's a nice way of putting this?] robust to my senses.

But for the record, I still don't see what's wrong with being a dog. Dobermans are intelligent and hard-working. [LIKE ARTHUR, SO THERE.]

[Private to Prefect + Perry]
There are some papers missing from my room. [Which would either contain false identities or research on fellow Bargemates. Either way, it's kind of suspicious stuff and he wants it back.] I'd like them back, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone about them.

[Warden Filter + Perry]
My inmate, Perry Dawsey, is officially cut off from alcohol. Please don't take him to the bar or give him anything, not even one beer. If he does manage to get in there, I'd expect the bartenders not to serve him unless he's with me.

And if you have an inmate who's friends with him? [Which Arthur kind of doubts. PERRY HAS NO FRIENDS.] Try to keep on top of their interactions, and I'll do the same from my end.

[Private to the Admiral]
Remove all the alcohol from Perry's room.

[Private to Perry]
From now on, the only drinking you're doing is with me.

[Enjoy the grinning face of Arthur in a domino mask, wearing a garish plaid suit and IDK, a tie with Z's on it. I can't design supervillain costumes. He's broadcasting from some kind of dark and dingy warehouse.]

Well, well, well! Newcomers to our sleepy city!

Let me be the first to welcome you. Dr. Dreamer, at your service. My Sandmen [That's what he calls his, like, three henchmen, okay.] can give you a tour, show you a little big city hospitality, heh heh... For a small price-- [Muttering:] like your valuables, recruitment into the Sandmen...-- I promise you'll make it out of here with your lives, your hopes and dreams, intact. You can trust me.

Don't think you can just sleepwalk through this city, tourists. It's a real nightmare out there, and if you snooze, you lose!

[OOC: ATTACK OF THE BAD PHOTOSHOP. Anyway, this is Nick Nockturn, aka DR. DREAMER, a former psychoanalyst-turned-costumed villain with Arthur's face. Not that you can tell with this domino mask that's totally concealing his identity. He's a C-grade villain, trying to establish himself as a bigger fish than he is, and his theme is ~dreams and sleep~ and stuff.

He's developed a gas that'll knock people into an ETERNAL SLUMBER, and he plans on unleashing it in a very public place-- like possibly a park, possibly established by some Barge folks-- before the port's end. Naturally, he will be stopped.]

[SEE BEARDLESS ARTHUR. With a black eye and possibly other bruises. Thanks, Perry!]

So, that's the person I would've been if I didn't actually grow up in the last fourteen years. [Douche Arthur was disturbingly similar to teen Arthur. He pauses, like he wants to say something, then clears his throat and says instead:]

I think I'll be putting my plans to grow a mustache on hold after that.

[Individual Messages to Mirror!Arthur's Graduates (Parker, Snape, Loki)]
I'm drawing up a blank on some of my counterpart's memories before the flood. [He's not.] Do you remember anything about your time together?

[Private to Perry]
We need to talk. [Because he knows the dreamsharing jig is up.]

[Private to Arthas]
What did you see when you did-- whatever you did.

[OOC: Some notes on the PASIV! Mirror!Arthur would've been very careful about it, so few people, if any, should really know what it does. He let Mirror!Perry know about dreamsharing, because he thought Perry had a lot of "potential" and could've been a great asset to his team upon graduation, and because he wanted a more "personal" touch in teaching him his life lessons. The inmates he graduated would've been sedated and incepted without their knowledge; HOWEVER. Feel free to have them suspect something, to have a vague memory of a Very Important Dream co-starring Arthur, to be aware of Arthur having a strange machine, etc. ALSO, I imagine that there were probably rumors among wardens and inmates about Mirror!Arthur having some kind of machine that changes inmates, even though only a handful should know what it does. So if you want your character to remember the rumors, they totally can.

ALSO, SARA. If you wanna spam Awkward Times up in here, GO FOR IT.]

All things considered, that wasn't half-bad. I would've liked to have kept the hat.

[Brief pause. HEY ARTHUR, THIS MIGHT BE CALLOUS CONSIDERING ALL THE FOLKS WHO GOT SHOT.]

I hope everyone who wasn't quite as lucky is doing better now. Maybe we'll get a few quiet weeks before the Admiral's drunk driving throws something else at us.

[Warden Filter]
I'm pretty sure this question's been asked before, but we've got some new faces since the last time. How many of you are here without any deal?

And a question for everyone: Do you think your deal-- or lack thereof-- has an impact on how you approach the job?

Don't worry, I'm not taking a survey or anything. It's just [Arthur wondering if he's really cut out for this rehabilitation crap] idle curiosity.

[OOC: GONNA TRY TO EASE ARTHUR OUTTA HIATUS NOW. Right before I fall asleep. I am the best at time management.

...

And yes I'm just using this icon one last time because I like it :c]

[Warden Filter]
I'm not big on speeches, so I'm going to make this quick.

[Arthur's voice is a frustrated growl right now. He sounds about ready to punch something. Also, he's hanging out by the entrance to Level 0 and keeping his voice somewhat low so Perry can't overhear. This also means that because he's by the entrance, anybody else looking to sneak past him to play with Perry while he's making this post... would have to be invisible and teleport through the door, I guess?]

To those of you having a laugh about Perry's big-screen debut-- [Have some condescension:] and I know some of you are, despite the big W next to your names-- you do realize that he wasn't just "beating up" Rex, right? That part, where he stops moving? He's not unconscious; he's dead. That's a snuff video. It's not a goddamn joke.

I don't give a damn how you feel about Rex. I don't care what he did to you-- and yeah, I was affected along with the rest of you. When you support something like that video, you're not just doing it at his expense. You're doing it at my inmate's. He's not your attack dog; he didn't kill Rex for any one of you, and it's not behavior I want encouraged.

You'd think that'd go without saying, right? I sure as hell thought so. I knew I had to expect some inmates patting him on the back for a major backslide, but I didn't think I'd have to worry about wardens doing it. Wardens sneaking around behind my back to give him positive reinforcement for his actions. Wardens trying to congratulate him. Wardens going against my explicit orders to leave Perry to me. Wardens making it so I've got to keep one eye open for them at all times, when I should be focusing on my goddamn inmate!

Yeah, I know I'm saying "wardens," but what I really mean is Loki, who I've had to chase away three times now. But hell, who knows, there could be more of you who think Perry did a big public service for you.

It takes a lot to turn a man into a calculated murderer. Perry wasn't one before he came here. Now it's my job to push him back to Square One, and I don't need you assholes undermining me and standing in the way.

If I hear about any one of you trying to sneak around to congratulate him, to give him a fucking prize for killing a man, I'll put a bullet in your goddamn head to give you a headache as big as mine. And the only reason I'm not telling your inmates this is I expect you to pass the word if you think your inmate's up to something with him. You know your inmates better than me, so you should be aware of any [Sarcastically:] "budding alliances". Anybody looking to turn my inmate into their personal attack dog better think twice.

Keep a tight leash on your inmates, while I try to do the same with mine. And any unpaired wardens out there might want to try their hands at keeping an eye on Loki, so I can get back to my job already.

[With a disgusted noise, he turns off the communicator.]

[OOC: I WILL NOT GUARANTEE RESPONSES TO THIS. Arthur just wanted to alert the other wardens to 1) Loki undermining him and trying to applaud his inmate's backslide and 2) the possibility that their own inmates will probably try to seek out an alliance with Perry now to take out their own enemies... although that part kinda got lost in his bitchiness :V Anyway, he's not up for playing ~barge politics~ right now, so that's why there may not be responses from him. BUT YOU GUYS ARE FREE TO DISCUSS WITH EACH OTHER, IDC.]

[The communicator clicks on at an odd angle, like it's just been haphazardly tossed to the ground.  Luckily, you get an artsy view of Arthur's couch, which currently has a fourteen-year-old Arthur dancing on it, all gangly and grunge-chic. He's singing-- or... screaming-- along to some Nirvana and getting his dirty shoes all over the couch.]
 
Grandma take me home, Grandma take me home, Grandma take me hooooome!
 
[And then he sort of stumbles off the couch in a heap, laughing, as the song winds down and the next one comes on.  What's this?  Oh, Arthur's drunk off of... Arthur's liquor collection.  You can see an empty bottle of whiskey rolling around in the background if you're paying attention.  He props himself up on his elbows and reaches out to grab the communicator, bringing it clooose to his face, grinning, giggling a little.]
 
Hey, hey... HEY.  Anyone-- anyone got... some smokes?  I'll traaaaade. [He snorts with laughter, then drops his head down, thinking, and pulls it up again with a little frown.]  Dude.  Hey.  Dude.  Why're there... there so many fuckin' kids here?
 
[BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT A KID, ARTHUR.]
 
I say-- I-- I think... everyone who's like, not a kid? Should come here. [He rolls onto his back, laughing with glorious intoxication, and fumbles around with the communicator, so you're getting some tilty angles and shaky-cam going now.]  We could party.  [He raises his brow, as though he's just noticed that the music's still playing, and he's suddenly VERY EXCITED.] Whooo!  [And with that, he starts singing the next song and finally manages to click the communicator off.]
 
[OOC: Arthur was a terrible kid :c]

( OPEN SPAM )

[VOICE; later]
[Arthur's words are a little slurred. It's unusual for him to do any Dear Diary entries on the network, share what he's feeling, any of that, but tonight's a special occasion. His perception's been unexpectedly turned on its head, and he's lost control just long enough for this.]

You think... you think you know someone. In and out. Like... you've been inside them. Seen them at their most vulnerable. But you can crawl into a person and never know... what they're capable...

[There's a long silence, then he continues.]

How do we construct our realities? They're... they're memories. Experiences. We take them... and we build our worlds. None of us really inhabit the same one. I mean... What I see, when I look at my family, my friends, colleagues, strangers I pass on the street... it's not what anybody else would see. People carry these complex... internal lives, but to us, the... the "main characters" of our perception, they're just... [PROJECTIONS.] roles to be filled, that we put them in based on what we know-- our memories, the images they project, the reality they put together to share with us...

You see, it's all very precarious. Reality. And a fundamental omission, once uncovered, it... [He chokes, then lets out a frustrated snarl after a beat.] Knocks the whole fucking house of cards down.

[CLICK.]

[OOC: Backdated to this post and the Very Bad Things with Mal. He now knows that Cobb incepted Mal and never told him, and he's torn between his loyalty to Cobb and his feelings of friendship with Mal.

FOR THE SPAM, consider it like a mini-day in the life thing. I don't mind multiple threads, but would prefer nothing like, VIOLENT OR EARTH SHATTERING, as he has to go and get drunk alone like a sad man afterwards.

As for the content of the voice post, if you're one of the SMALL HANDFUL OF PEOPLE who knows about dream sharing/extraction, you can read the double meaning in Arthur's post. Otherwise, uh, please don't suddenly "catch on" to that stuff, because there's no reason to.]

That was interesting, to say the least.  The part where my body wasn't really my own was pretty disconcerting at first, but other than that... 
 
I wouldn't go so far as to call it 'fun', but it was a change of pace.  Funny how the ordinary can be so unexpected here.  Throw us into the middle of a warzone, set a dragon loose, hit us with an invasion, and I don't think a lot of people here would bat an eyelash.  Put us in suburbia and tell us to blend in, go to work, pay the bills, and suddenly we don't know what to do. 
 
By the way, Capa, I couldn't have asked for a better husband. [YES, ARTHUR CAN TEASE PEOPLE SOMETIMES.] And I'm sorry for subjecting you guys to family dinners. 
 
[Pause.  Moving on.]
 
In other news, in case you were wondering: Dionysus isn't on the Barge anymore.
 
[Private to Eames]
I don't know how you do it.  Forging, slipping into someone else's skin. I have to admit, I've got a newfound appreciation for what you do.
 
[OOC: I KNOW I OWE BACKDATED PORT TAGS.  The muse just sorta got away from me for a bit. I've had a case of writers' block something fierce.]