.051 | voice.

[paradoxlol]

[Private to the Admiral]
I'd like to make a request for the following, for my inmate:

1. X-Box 360
2. The latest Madden game as of 2010
3. A couple of Guitar Hero games as of 2010. With the controllers.
4. And the most recent versions of: Bad Company, Call of Duty, Halo, Team Fortress. I don't really know my shooters, are these good?
5. Free weights in the range of [insert lbs here].

[Kitchen Warden Filter]
Perry's agreed to take on Breakfast, unless you guys are good on staff now, in which case he'll help out with Lunch. Just tell me where he's needed.

[Maintenance Filter]
I need someone to repair the door on Level 8, Room [I forget; Perry's :c]

[PUBLIC]
Is the book club still going? I'm not really interested in spending time with a lot of you, and I'll probably think your selections are derivative and insipid, and I usually only hung out in the library to research people and talk to Coyolxuahqui (and her breasts), but I'm bored now that my inmate's broken my ribs. So I need something to fill in the void left by sparring until this heals. Right now, my most strenuous activity is jerking off, which I've already done twice today, though I'd prefer a partner. Luckily, I'm attractive, and many of you are attractive, so I'm confident somebody will lend me a hand.

[OOC: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry /Tennantvoice]

Comments

Audio:

[acid_rayne]

And I'm sure Coyo and her cosmic boobs would thank you for that disturbing sentiment... Thanks for the masturbation update, by the way.

Re: Audio:

[paradoxlol]

I don't think she'd find it disturbing, because she didn't seem to have as many hang-ups as everyone else here. Her outlook made her a more appealing prospect than, say, you, although you are very physically attractive.

Oh, yeah, no problem. I also think you should know that I've washed my hands after both times, because cleanliness is important to me.

public. (also, ded of laughter, here.)

[una_persson]

I think the breakfast shift's need is slightly greater than lunch at the moment; correct me if I'm wrong, Iroh. Of course, we're top-loaded with the dinner shift and I really don't understand why we can't redistribute from there.

You are aware that Coyolxauhqui and her impressive breasts aren't with us anymore, yes? Also, don't you think that a partner would just exacerbate your injury?

public. (Haha, SWEET. I wasn't sure if it was funny or dumb :c)

[paradoxlol]

I'll put him on the breakfast shift, then. He can't really cook, and I think people will notice that less in the mornings.

I am; that's why the library isn't as appealing as it used to be. That and I find Ardent annoying and unattrative.

A partner will only exacerbate my injury if we engage in certain kinds of intercourse. I happen to think oral sex-- [OH WHAT'S THAT, CONVENIENT STATIC?]

Audio

[hourglass-twin.livejournal.com]

How fortunate for you. I can barely masturbate anymore because most of the people I see look like rotting corpses, and sometimes when I try to masturbate, I remember for a moment how women really look to me. Actually, I could barely masturbate before because my brother always insisted on barging into the room at random moments to make sure I was still breathing.

So I usually end up studying instead.

Re: Audio

[acid_rayne]

Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the hell, Raistlin...?!

Re: Audio

[paradoxlol]

That's pretty disgusting, and now I'm not feeling particularly aroused. You should see a therapist about that.

Luckily, I'm an only child, and my parents emotionally neglected me, so I had plenty of privacy. I also have might have slight daddy issues as a result.

Re: Audio

[subtlescience]

I wish I knew your name. I'm repulsed by the information you just related, but it's almost one-hundred percent worse because I have absolutely no idea who you are.

[hatestriangles]

[WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT, ARTHUR?] Wow, I really, really did not need to hear that.

[paradoxlol]

[IDGI PERRY, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? C:]

I think it was necessary to express my need for potential partners. Of course, you're not a potential partner, even if you weren't my inmate, because you're a straight man, so I guess you didn't need to hear that.

Private (WHY WOULD YOU POSSIBLY APOLOGISE FOR THIS)

[likedarkmatter.livejournal.com]

Oh dear. Is Robert too busy?

Private (I LIKE TO PRETEND TO BE CLASSY SOMETIMES)

[paradoxlol]

I'm afraid that if I come to him too many times, we'll become something serious.

[plz-gtfo-dragon.livejournal.com]

I could not loathe you more right now. You managed to be amazingly self important and pretentious while at the same time being utterly vulgar and open about soliciting sex. I am amazingly jealous of you.

On the upside, you look like a twelve year old girl who got hold of her mothers hair gel and nail scissors, and that makes me feel better about myself.

[paradoxlol]

I think you look kind of like an aging drag queen, so I'm not bothered by your remarks about my appearance.

[subtlescience]

When the book club decided to read Peter Pan, I worried that engaging in their communal activity might lower my intelligence.

Also, I think I'm better than Armand St. Just. I can't help it. I really try, but I greatly dislike how he constantly whinges at my wife.

I worried that he might spend a lot of the time in the book club on whining and I really didn't want to expose myself to that.

I think there should be two book clubs: one for people who don't like insipid and derivative books, and one for people who do. Then it would be fair and I would never have to interact with Armand.

[paradoxlol]

I support this idea, if only because I find a lot of people here pretty annoying, and this will minimize my contact with some of them.

This post is just.. cracking me up.

[yourunichase]

You know, it's too bad you didn't say something before the shitty flood. I might have offered if there wasn't so much awkward there.

[Parker's not affected, she's just being Parker-like.]

[paradoxlol]

I don't think this is awkward.

[betrayalswager.livejournal.com]

... why would you possibly offer any of this information to the public?

[He's unaffected and could not be more baffled.]

[paradoxlol]

I happen to think it's important to explain why I need something to keep myself occupied with, and it helps potential partners know I'm interested in pursuing something quick and casual, which is a plus.

[toldastory]

You should be careful which sort of sex acts you engage in. I don't want to receive a call you were having sex and your broken ribs broke more and collapsed your lung.

That would be an embarrassing situation to walk in on. But not the most embarrassing.

[paradoxlol]

Don't worry, I'll probably limit myself to oral sex or anything with minimal thrusting.

Private- NEVER APOLOGIZE

[ourlastbesthope.livejournal.com]

I'm much too busy today or I would offer. I do enjoy the sex, but I feel it's gotten much too exclusive on my side. I hope any sex you get from this isn't as good as mine because I would hate to lose that aspect of our friendship.

Private- OKAY I WON'T

[paradoxlol]

You don't need to worry, because it's very unlikely that I'll call things off while we're still enjoying ourselves.

I'll probably be having sex with Alice tonight, anyway.

[whattheytellyou.livejournal.com]

I would probably have had sex with you before I read this, but now I feel a little repulsed.

I don't know why it bothers me so much.

Maybe because you mentioned Coyolxauhqui and I don't like to associate sex with watching decapitations and ritual sacrifice.

[paradoxlol]

I was too busy being concussed to watch any beheadings, so I don't have any violent imagery associated with her. Mostly, I found her to be pleasant company.

All of the humiliation, man...

[creatingalegacy]

You have it easier than some. I can't masturbate anymore. I don't have a healthy sex drive now and the capacity for sexual interaction was burned out of me, but I don't allow myself to masturbate either because I want to be above that and fervently believe I need to devote all of my energy towards a greater purpose. That's why when I kill or test people, I tend to get right up close and give off unintentionally seductive body language. I almost never even realize it's happening because I don't get off on it; it's just the closest high-intensity activity I have to sex.

This disturbs me, though, more than the things I'm saying. All of this shit. I was immobilized in the infirmary when Coyolxauhqui was killing people, so it's not that. It's because I could hear my warden talking about her willingness to sleep with you before I replied and I don't like to think of her as having sexual desires. That's just one more way she could find someone to replace me and I'm terrified that will happen, even though she insists it won't. We don't have sex, so don't think that. I don't want to have sex with her or anyone else, ever. I just don't like her interacting with anyone but me because I'm an angry, paranoid, jealous person.

[whattheytellyou.livejournal.com]

I'm not going to have sex with Arthur.

CHROMIE KNOWS WHAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT HERE

[strangehistorian]

I didn't know we had a book club!

[paradoxlol]

I don't know if we still do, because I only hear about it every once in a while. I'm just at a loss for some kind of activity that I can use to look like an upstanding member of the community.