paradoxlol | .049 | Voice.

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.049 | Voice.

Minimal death and destruction, no known curses carried back to the Barge, and I didn't get baked into any witches' pies or swallowed by wolves. [Or whatever it is that happens to sassy woodlands critters n fairy tales.] All in all, I'd say that was a good port. [Pause, then he makes a noncommittal "hm."] Despite being turned into a very articulate chipmunk.

[Private to Perry]
The silent treatment's gone on long enough. We're having a talk.

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It could have been worse. You could have been a talking snail.

Thanks for that little bit of perspective.

You're welcome.

At least you could talk?

Yeah. Talk. And talk and talk. I don't think I shut up for more than a few minutes.

Well, every Disney character's got to have a spunky animal sidekick.

I don't want to talk.

Tough shit. We're talking anyway.

Leave me alone, warden.

[In lieu of an answer, Arthur goes to your door and POUNDS ON IT.]

[PERRY DOES NOT OPEN IT.]

Fuck. Off.

No. [DON'T MAKE HIM PICK THE LOCK. He's Arthur. He will.] What are you gonna do, Perry? Sulk on the Barge forever?

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SPAM - witness, once again, my fighting fail!

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SPAM - you always say that but YOUR FIGHTING IS TOTALLY FINE :|

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we do not bake people into pies anymore

[Blink blink. Martha... OH YEAH IT'S DRUNK SNAPE.]

What, you just stick to tarts now?

nono youre thinking of hags artur hags

Sorry, guess we don't have as many distinctions where I'm from. Hags it is.

baking people in pies becaem illegal in 1976 well it was illegal in 1850 but the law was repealed but hags dont follow the law anyhow you know

What about talking chipmunks? Are they still fair game?

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And a very good chipmunk sidekick at that.

Sidekick? I'm pretty sure I was the brains of the operation.

Not hard to do when I didn't really have any brains.

Well, you had heart. That counts for something.

A chipmunk. A talking chipmunk.

[Longest pause ever.]

This place is ridiculous sometimes.

Yeah.

But I'll take that over turning into a princess.

Funny.

I...don't actually have anything to say to that.

I'm just glad it wasn't me. [THIS TIME.]

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