paradoxlol | .026 | Spam/Voice.

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.026 | Spam/Voice.

[OPEN SPAM]
[Continued from what will be the end of this thread. For once, Arthur was at a loss. After his talk with Angelica, he felt frozen in place for a minute, before turning on his heel, jaw set-- clenched-- as he strode purposefully away. Truth be told, he had no idea what the fuck he was going to do. He just stalked the corridors of the Barge restlessly, body taut with tension, eyes narrowed, nostrils flaring a little as he took sharp breaths in and out. He wanted to punch something, scream, mow down a room full of projections, but he couldn't. He couldn't. That would be losing control.]

[VOICE; later]
[Arthur's words are a little slurred. It's unusual for him to do any Dear Diary entries on the network, share what he's feeling, any of that, but tonight's a special occasion. His perception's been unexpectedly turned on its head, and he's lost control just long enough for this.]

You think... you think you know someone. In and out. Like... you've been inside them. Seen them at their most vulnerable. But you can crawl into a person and never know... what they're capable...

[There's a long silence, then he continues.]

How do we construct our realities? They're... they're memories. Experiences. We take them... and we build our worlds. None of us really inhabit the same one. I mean... What I see, when I look at my family, my friends, colleagues, strangers I pass on the street... it's not what anybody else would see. People carry these complex... internal lives, but to us, the... the "main characters" of our perception, they're just... [PROJECTIONS.] roles to be filled, that we put them in based on what we know-- our memories, the images they project, the reality they put together to share with us...

You see, it's all very precarious. Reality. And a fundamental omission, once uncovered, it... [He chokes, then lets out a frustrated snarl after a beat.] Knocks the whole fucking house of cards down.

[CLICK.]

[OOC: Backdated to this post and the Very Bad Things with Mal. He now knows that Cobb incepted Mal and never told him, and he's torn between his loyalty to Cobb and his feelings of friendship with Mal.

FOR THE SPAM, consider it like a mini-day in the life thing. I don't mind multiple threads, but would prefer nothing like, VIOLENT OR EARTH SHATTERING, as he has to go and get drunk alone like a sad man afterwards.

As for the content of the voice post, if you're one of the SMALL HANDFUL OF PEOPLE who knows about dream sharing/extraction, you can read the double meaning in Arthur's post. Otherwise, uh, please don't suddenly "catch on" to that stuff, because there's no reason to.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Arthur.

['Are you alright' seems to be a dumb question.] What's wrong?

[Pauuuuse. Should he say anything? What more can he possibly say without giving his secrets away than what was on the network?] Bad day. Very... very bad day. That's all.

That's not all.

No.

Just... Meet me over here so we can not talk about it.

Tell me where 'here' is and I will.

My room.

[Capa didn't waste too much time after that. He simply tied his shoes and headed over to Arthur's cabin, knocking quietly. He would admit that he was worried about his friend but...he wasn't going to pry, just as he would expect Arthur to do the same for him.]

[Arthur opened the door, looking... well. Mostly put together. His tie was loosened and his shirt was untucked, but other than that and a slight looseness in his posture, it was difficult to tell how much he'd drank.]

Capa. [He moved back to the couch and plopped down, motioning to the array of bottles on the coffee table.] Help yourself.

[Capa moved inside and shut the door behind him, giving the bottles a wary look before shaking his head.] I'm fine. [Hesitantly, he moved to sit on the couch beside Arthur.]

How much have you had?

[He snorted.] Too much. [Arthur leaned against Capa. Hey, you remember that drunk time is basically the only time he'll loosen up and get touchy, right, Capa?] I'm not going to be sick, if that's what you're worried about.

[Way to be obvious, Arthur. But Capa just puts an arm around him absently. He'll indulge the touchiness for the moment.]

I'm not worried about that. I'm worried about you passing out and leaving me to take care of you.

I'm not a college girl, Capa. I can handle it.

Not drunk enough to recognize a joke. [Capa sat up a bit and stared at the ceiling.]

What are we not talking about, Arthur? [Well, he thought that he wasn't going to pry. But that all turned to dust.]

Dreams. [It was a safe reveal, after all, since he hadn't mentioned anything about extraction or inception. He leaned forward to reach for a bottle, then stopped himself, slouching back into the couch.] Fucking... dreams.

Dreams. [Capa just turned to stare over at him and reached forward, taking the first bottle he found from the table. Now he really might need a drink.]

Regular dreams or...your kind of dreams?

My kind. They-- they can destroy you. [He waved a hand at that mention, then shrugged his shoulders and leaned against Capa again.] Make you forget... You know. I warned you about it.

[Capa's arm tightened a bit around the other man when Arthur leaned against him.]

I know you did. [He paused for a moment, thinking. He wouldn't make Arthur talk, though. It wasn't fair...not when he was drunk.]

I don't know if I told you, but before I came to the Barge, I would dream about the sun. About falling into it. I'd wake up, screaming like an idiot.

Dreams, Arthur, can be dangerous. No matter if you can manipulate them or not. I knew that potential before you told me.

[There was a slight urge to explain to Capa just how dangerous dreams were in his field. Incepting somebody, changing their entire reality, who they are without them even knowing... How would Mal be now if Cobb had never...? Would she have jumped? Would she have still found herself on the Barge? And if so, would she have persisted to the point of murder in her quest to "wake up"? Instead, Arthur swallowed and nodded, glancing away at the wall.]

Yeah. [A pause.] I don't dream at all anymore. I don't know if I told you. Knowing what they're capable of, I don't miss it. It feels... secure.

[The scientist absently played his fingertips along Arthur's arm. It was an unconscious gesture he did as he thought about that. No dreaming. He didn't know if that was calming or frightening.]

You don't dream? Ever?

[Arthur furrowed his brow a little, shaking his head, then he looked at Capa again.] The sedative, the PASIV? You use it enough, and you become dependent on it to dream. Some people get to where they need it to sleep at all, because they can't stand the thought of a dreamless state. [He shrugged.] I'm not... one of them.

Edited 2011-03-06 17:22 (UTC)

[Capa wasn't surprised by that. It was a drug, after all. And being lost in that dream was the most amazing feeling he ever had. Standing in the middle of the park he had created gave him the feel of a god.]

No. You just can't dream. Why do you do it, then, Arthur? Why do you do any of it?

Because I love it. [Which is true. Even if he didn't receive extraordinary compensation for what he did, he'd still find a way to keep doing it.] The first time I went under, I knew... This is what I want to do with my life. It was the first real direction I ever had. [He rubbed his forehead, grimacing.] Mal was with me.

Mal? [He had no idea who that woman was and knew nothing about her. She was simply...a part of the Barge, just like everyone else. The only people who registered to Capa were Arthur, Hayley, Harper and...sometimes Adric. The rest were simply faces. Names. Voices. He filed them away and didn't think about them anymore.]

What was it like, then? That first time?

A friend from back home. She's been dead for... a few years now.

[He barely hesitated.] It was the most incredible feeling. Like discovering an entire world that had never been explored before. It changed my entire life, how I looked at things. [He laughed a little.] I don't even know what I'd be without it.

[...wait. Arthur. You're a librarian.]

I probably would've just... become a doctor or a lawyer, you know? Something... practical. Nobody who looked at me thought "librarian." But doing what I do affords me the opportunity to continue researching, exploring...

[He accepted that easily and moved on. Capa really was clueless most of the time. But then Arthur was flirting a bit with that issue of the past. There had been a conversation once that had made Capa suspicious, but he hadn't thought about it. The past didn't help anyone. Capa had told Hayley his and he knew her's, but that was only out necessity.

This was something he didn't want to know. He moved his arm from around Arthur and leaned back against the arm of the couch instead, turning to face him.]

It is amazing. I can see how easily you could fall into it.

But it's not a substitute for reality. [Says the man who uses science as an escape mechanism.]

.026 | Spam/Voice.

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