paradoxlol | .026 | Spam/Voice.

[OPEN SPAM]
[Continued from what will be the end of this thread. For once, Arthur was at a loss. After his talk with Angelica, he felt frozen in place for a minute, before turning on his heel, jaw set-- clenched-- as he strode purposefully away. Truth be told, he had no idea what the fuck he was going to do. He just stalked the corridors of the Barge restlessly, body taut with tension, eyes narrowed, nostrils flaring a little as he took sharp breaths in and out. He wanted to punch something, scream, mow down a room full of projections, but he couldn't. He couldn't. That would be losing control.]

[VOICE; later]
[Arthur's words are a little slurred. It's unusual for him to do any Dear Diary entries on the network, share what he's feeling, any of that, but tonight's a special occasion. His perception's been unexpectedly turned on its head, and he's lost control just long enough for this.]

You think... you think you know someone. In and out. Like... you've been inside them. Seen them at their most vulnerable. But you can crawl into a person and never know... what they're capable...

[There's a long silence, then he continues.]

How do we construct our realities? They're... they're memories. Experiences. We take them... and we build our worlds. None of us really inhabit the same one. I mean... What I see, when I look at my family, my friends, colleagues, strangers I pass on the street... it's not what anybody else would see. People carry these complex... internal lives, but to us, the... the "main characters" of our perception, they're just... [PROJECTIONS.] roles to be filled, that we put them in based on what we know-- our memories, the images they project, the reality they put together to share with us...

You see, it's all very precarious. Reality. And a fundamental omission, once uncovered, it... [He chokes, then lets out a frustrated snarl after a beat.] Knocks the whole fucking house of cards down.

[CLICK.]

[OOC: Backdated to this post and the Very Bad Things with Mal. He now knows that Cobb incepted Mal and never told him, and he's torn between his loyalty to Cobb and his feelings of friendship with Mal.

FOR THE SPAM, consider it like a mini-day in the life thing. I don't mind multiple threads, but would prefer nothing like, VIOLENT OR EARTH SHATTERING, as he has to go and get drunk alone like a sad man afterwards.

As for the content of the voice post, if you're one of the SMALL HANDFUL OF PEOPLE who knows about dream sharing/extraction, you can read the double meaning in Arthur's post. Otherwise, uh, please don't suddenly "catch on" to that stuff, because there's no reason to.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

My kind. They-- they can destroy you. [He waved a hand at that mention, then shrugged his shoulders and leaned against Capa again.] Make you forget... You know. I warned you about it.

[Capa's arm tightened a bit around the other man when Arthur leaned against him.]

I know you did. [He paused for a moment, thinking. He wouldn't make Arthur talk, though. It wasn't fair...not when he was drunk.]

I don't know if I told you, but before I came to the Barge, I would dream about the sun. About falling into it. I'd wake up, screaming like an idiot.

Dreams, Arthur, can be dangerous. No matter if you can manipulate them or not. I knew that potential before you told me.

[There was a slight urge to explain to Capa just how dangerous dreams were in his field. Incepting somebody, changing their entire reality, who they are without them even knowing... How would Mal be now if Cobb had never...? Would she have jumped? Would she have still found herself on the Barge? And if so, would she have persisted to the point of murder in her quest to "wake up"? Instead, Arthur swallowed and nodded, glancing away at the wall.]

Yeah. [A pause.] I don't dream at all anymore. I don't know if I told you. Knowing what they're capable of, I don't miss it. It feels... secure.

[The scientist absently played his fingertips along Arthur's arm. It was an unconscious gesture he did as he thought about that. No dreaming. He didn't know if that was calming or frightening.]

You don't dream? Ever?

[Arthur furrowed his brow a little, shaking his head, then he looked at Capa again.] The sedative, the PASIV? You use it enough, and you become dependent on it to dream. Some people get to where they need it to sleep at all, because they can't stand the thought of a dreamless state. [He shrugged.] I'm not... one of them.

Edited 2011-03-06 17:22 (UTC)

[Capa wasn't surprised by that. It was a drug, after all. And being lost in that dream was the most amazing feeling he ever had. Standing in the middle of the park he had created gave him the feel of a god.]

No. You just can't dream. Why do you do it, then, Arthur? Why do you do any of it?

Because I love it. [Which is true. Even if he didn't receive extraordinary compensation for what he did, he'd still find a way to keep doing it.] The first time I went under, I knew... This is what I want to do with my life. It was the first real direction I ever had. [He rubbed his forehead, grimacing.] Mal was with me.

Mal? [He had no idea who that woman was and knew nothing about her. She was simply...a part of the Barge, just like everyone else. The only people who registered to Capa were Arthur, Hayley, Harper and...sometimes Adric. The rest were simply faces. Names. Voices. He filed them away and didn't think about them anymore.]

What was it like, then? That first time?

A friend from back home. She's been dead for... a few years now.

[He barely hesitated.] It was the most incredible feeling. Like discovering an entire world that had never been explored before. It changed my entire life, how I looked at things. [He laughed a little.] I don't even know what I'd be without it.

[...wait. Arthur. You're a librarian.]

I probably would've just... become a doctor or a lawyer, you know? Something... practical. Nobody who looked at me thought "librarian." But doing what I do affords me the opportunity to continue researching, exploring...

[He accepted that easily and moved on. Capa really was clueless most of the time. But then Arthur was flirting a bit with that issue of the past. There had been a conversation once that had made Capa suspicious, but he hadn't thought about it. The past didn't help anyone. Capa had told Hayley his and he knew her's, but that was only out necessity.

This was something he didn't want to know. He moved his arm from around Arthur and leaned back against the arm of the couch instead, turning to face him.]

It is amazing. I can see how easily you could fall into it.

But it's not a substitute for reality. [Says the man who uses science as an escape mechanism.]

[Arthur stared at Capa.] I know. Some people lose sight of that, but I keep it all separate. Compartmentalized. I know what's real and what isn't.

[He wanted to be so sure of himself right now. He wanted to pull out his die and hold it in his hand, but it would be too suspicious.]

[The bottle in his hand that he had forgotten about was placed back on the table, but only so that he could pour himself a bit out of it after finding a glass. When he had that in his hands, he moved back to sit close to Arthur, as they had ventured back onto more comfortable territory.]

Yeah? And this? All this? Is it real? [He was very sure that it was, but that wasn't the real point of the question.]

Yeah. [Pause.] But to someone who doesn't have a grip on reality, who's convinced it's a dream... Can you imagine what kind of a nightmare this place must be? It's so unreal. [He swallowed, then reached forward to grab another bottle and poured himself a small amount of scotch.] But it feels real here, and that's... that's what makes it worse. Dreams feel real when you're in them. So what can you do to convince somebody this is reality?

[Capa took a long drink, not making the connection between his first statement and Mal. He knew nothing about her, so he had no reason to connect them.]

Even when you brought me into a dream for the first time, I had a difficult time remembering that it wasn't real.

Mace's presence is what always reminded me that it wasn't real. Because as much as I wanted him to be alive again, he's not. Hell, I'm not. [That got another drink.] So what the hell does reality matter to a dead person?

[Arthur was quiet, watching Capa as the man remarked on his own death. It's funny, but he forgot from time to time that Capa really had nothing else. He wasn't an inmate-- no second chance-- and he wasn't alive.] So if you got it in your head that this whole place was just a dream, what would you do?

[Capa's deal had simply been to come aboard and study. What more did he need? But the more he talked to people, the more he began to miss having a life. And the more he began to think of changing his deal. But not yet. Not now. Now, he just wanted this.]

So what if it is? We'll all wake up eventually. [He sighed.] Days. Months. Years. As long as I have a purpose, something to do, fabricated or not, then what is the difference between reality and a dream? [It was a bit of a change from his earlier way of thinking. Maybe he was over analyzing. Or maybe it was the alcohol.]

.026 | Spam/Voice.

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