.010 | Video.

[paradoxlol]

[Say hello to... Arthur, only he's going by the name of Dick Johnson. It's his PROFESSIONAL ALIAS. Anyway, he's wearing a tacky-but-trying-to-be-sexy polyester suit and satin shirt combo. With the top three buttons glamorously unbuttoned. He's leaning against the bar, smirking at the camera, holding a girly-looking fruity drink in one hand. Somehow, he tries to make his sips of it look manly.]

I see there's no shortage of... beautiful ladies on this boat. I'd hate to think of any of you spending your nights here... alone. A place like this... [SULTRY LOOK and he arches an eyebrow. Knowingly.] It's not safe. So, ladies, should you find yourselves in need of an escort [Said VERY meaningfully. YOU KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT.] Don't hesitate to call. I'm very flexible and the only payment I need... is to put a smile on your face [COUGH COUGH MUTTER, he covers his mouth with his hand and turns away slightly, so that there's no video evidence of him saying this... well, you know, aside from the audio track.] For $75 an hour. [Arthur's a cheap hussy. He straightens up, resuming his sultry, flirty look, and leans closer to the camera.]

Remember, all you fine, sexy ladies out there, we're on... [He looks around, as though double checking, and then gives a terribly sleazy look to the camera that he thinks is way sexy.] International waters. Anything goes.

[He tries to end this with a cool, casual sip of his drink, but unfortunately his elbow knocks the communicator from whatever he precariously balanced it on, and it topples over, giving you an awesome, canted view of HIS SHOES.] Oh shit--!

[And there's some rustling, some movement, as Arthur scrambles to pick up the communicator. His drink spills a little, on his pants and on the communicator, and he lifts the device up so that you're looking at his face again. Attempting to regain his cool, he grins, but it's a bit forced, and shuts the camera off.]

[OOC: AND IF ANYBODY WANTS TO ENCOUNTER GIGOLO ARTHUR, just spam in here. Multiple threads, WHATEV.]

Comments

SPAM.

[my-freeze-ray.livejournal.com]

[Lights flicker. Floorboards creak. The bar grows suddenly and mysteriously chilled...]

Hey, have you seen this guy around with like... big ears and an English accent? Kind of a PTSD vibe?

[ASKS BILLY, AS HE RISES EERILY FROM THE FLOORBOARDS BESIDE ARTHUR. Then he shudders and looks totally unghostly.]

Man, that feels so weird...

SPAM.

[paradoxlol]

[Arthur lets out a MOST UNMANLY SCREAM as some transparent dude floats up from the floor.]

SPAM.

[my-freeze-ray.livejournal.com]

[GHOSTLY LINEFACE] Quit screaming! It's not like I'm here to haunt you! I just need to find my stupid big eared english boyfriend!

[Pause]

And possibly for you to help me move a dead body.

[ichoosefight.livejournal.com]

You've got a bit of a cough there. [ She heard that. ]

[paradoxlol]

Then I could sure use some tender love and care.

[ichoosefight.livejournal.com]

Let me guess- for a price?

[bigbad]

With Old Spice body wash, ladies will be begging you for your services.

[paradoxlol]

No can do, bro. I'm an Axe man.

[bigbad]

I have plenty of respect for men who dare to use Axe. But aren't you worried that women will be put off by the feminine smell?

[Spam!

[willkissawookie.livejournal.com]

[Well, Leia's never seen any kind of technology like this before and she's wandering about the Barge, before entering the Pub. She spots Arthur and smiles over at him.]

Hello, sir.

Re: [Spam!

[paradoxlol]

Well, hello, Pocahontas. [SLEAZY GRIN.] Or should I say... How. [SO CULTURALLY SENSITIVE, ARTHUR.]

[lt-n-uhura.livejournal.com]

Well, you're just a right sophisticate, aren't you?

[paradoxlol]

That's riiiiight. And I can show you a real [EYEBROW WAGGLE.] sophisticated time.

[TEXT] He's currently a DC government worker...and I couldn't resist.

[timesbureaucrat]

Are your services just for the ladies?

[VIDEO] LOLLL I love his derpiness

[paradoxlol]

[VIDEO CLICKS ON.] My friend, I practice a policy of nondiscrimination, in the interest of providing a fair and [EYEBROW WAGGLE.] equal opportunity service. [Pause.] Prices may vary.

[Video.]

[some-kinda-hero.livejournal.com]

Oh, my, aren't we something else?

[Video.]

[paradoxlol]

And who is this fine, foxy lady?

SPAM

[christ-onabike.livejournal.com]

[Bond is sat across the bar, no longer drinking, but still working through things on his communicator. When that comes on. It's an odd experience, watching the video, and watching the man make the video.

Especially when it's that disturbing. He glances up and says, completely deadpan,]

You are simply the height of class and elegance. [Only a hint of a smirk here,] It's a lovely suit. [Slight tug on the sleeves of his very lovely suit, then he returns to reading.]

Re: SPAM

[paradoxlol]

[Arthur just GRINS, because he thinks you're sincere, Bond.]

Why thank you. It was on sale. [SO PROUD.] At Goodwill.

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

Oh my.

Sir, I don't think this is appropriate to be talking to everyone about? There are children here!

[paradoxlol]

Hey, hey, hey, I may do a lot of things, but I don't do nothing with kids.

[video]

[ingenue-bait.livejournal.com]

[Bill looks aggrieved and offended.]

You charge?

[A rather unreadable look passes over his face.]

You can charge?

[video]

[paradoxlol]

[He nods, ENTHUSIASTICALLY.] Best job in the world. I mean, can you believe? Getting paid to do this? To be... [He gestures to himself and all his might.] this?

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

[YOU HAVE COMPETITION, ARTHUR. In the form of one pornstached Hungarian... Well, pseudo-Hungarian, as the accent would make any real Hungarian claw their eyes out.]

Hmph. Typical American. You get on international waters and you think you run everything.

[paradoxlol]

[NOOOO. How can he compete with that mustache?! Arthur stares in awe. Has he been... outclassed?]

Not at all, my friend! I only offer to give the lonely hearts of this cruise the companionship and happiness they deserve.